what happened?

Please excuse me while I vent.

What happened to me? Since when did I start caring about how people perceive me? Looking back I used to be so happy, and content with who I was. I wasn’t ashamed of any of my attractive or unattractive quirks, because they were just a part of my personality. But it seems lately that other people’s opinion has dictated the way I live my life. And I’m sick of it.

I’m done. I’m going back to the person I used to be, the person I still am underneath all of these worries. I’m going back to being the girl who LOVED books, who read anytime she could, especially during lunch. I’m going back to the girl who was addicted to Youtube, because John and Hank Green made her feel a little better inside every time she heard the word “nerd”. I’m going to reclaim my love for writing, films, even fashion. I’m going back to being the biggest Whovian there ever was, who knew ever Doctor Who episode by heart. I’m going to find my old Journal and finish the story I was writing. I’m going to start hanging out with my Drama friends more, like old times. And tomorrow, when I have school, I’m not going to forget all of this. Not this time. I’m tired of being part of a crowd, so I’m making my own.

Child.

You young, naive you. I am so jealous of your life. Right now, at your age, I bet you just want to be a big kid. So you can sit at the grown up table on holidays. So you can walk across the street without holding Mommy's hand, but above all of those things, I would wager that you just want to be treated like an adult. I know this, because I felt the exact same way, years ago.
But you want to know a secret? Being a "Grown Up" isn't all it's cracked up to be. It's filled to the rim with expectations, pressure, jealousy, and && just downright pain. Now, let me add on to that. Just because all of these feelings are still constantly surrounding you, doesn't mean there's no room for Happiness. For Laughter. For Memories. For Love.
So treasure your time in that small frame. Do everything you should do as a child. Don't take it for granted, cherish every second. Immaturity is not defined by age, but attitude.
I know you will most likely not understand this right now, but do me favor. Take this paper, fold it up, and keep it safe. && one day when you're feeling the same as I described before, you can take out that old tattered note, and read it once again. Even though by then it will be too late, this will hopefully bring you comfort and understanding. That just because we're not the age of a child, doesn't mean we can't have the atittude of one.

A Letter On Opening Up.

Dear you,
Yes you. The beautiful person reading this letter. You have something you want to get off your chest, don't you? I bet you have a past, I bet you want to let go of that past. You may even be going through a time in your life now that you just want to end. You have made mistakes, too many to count on a thousand hands. But don't worry, I am guilty of all these things as well.
So why am I writing this? Not to point out your flaws or condemn you, but because I know how you can let go of anything you need to let go of. I can tell you the secret, as soon as your ready to listen.
All you need to do...is Open Up. Find someone in your life, dead or alive, with you or not, girl or boy, doesn't matter. As long as you can trust them, with all of the stories, and secrets your about to tell. I myself, repented to three people, and they all have kept their promise: To never let me go, && to never let my secrets go.
Once you find that person, tell them everything. Open Up, it will change your life. As your speaking you will feel tears fall down like rain, whole sentences of your story being erased. You will feel chains being torn off, && burdens that were once too heavy to bear, becoming as light as a feather. You; That wonderful person you are, finally have freedom. You look at yourself in a whole new way, no longer worried && confused.
Then, life goes on. But more importantly, life goes on Happily. You now have peace in yourself, and peace in others. Every now && then you'll remember who you used to be, but it will be a memory in the form of a lesson. And you are no longer the student, you are the teacher.

Sincerely,
Someone like you.

PS: Those three people I opened up too? They were: My two best friends, && God. So I guess you could say, My three Best Friends.

Mwahahaha.

Halloween is right around the corner, and I am FREAKING OUT. I really really love Halloween. It is my absolute favorite Holiday, and every year I count down the days until it comes. Not only is Halloween my favorite holiday, it also falls on the last day of my favorite month, October. I don't know what it is about October, but I just enjoy it so much. Maybe it's the weather, all of the new scary movies, the spooky feel, or the Pumpkin Spiced Lattes, but it comes so slow, and ends too soon.

Odly enough, I'm not really a big Trick-or-Treater. I think it's my age, but I'm not that crazy about it. What I do like, is dressing up and just walking around the neighborhood with friends, or going to Halloween parties. This year I'm dressing up as....Harry Potter. Yeah, yeah...I'm a major nerd; I know. But I'm excited, and my costume is really great.

So, have a great Halloween!

Imperceptions.

-I wrote this poem a while back about the people in my acting class. We did an I Am poem, where you pretty much just write a poem stating who You Are. After hearing everyones I just became inspired, so here you go.

To know someone,
What is it really?
Is it to know their favorite color,
Or their hopes and dreams?

I thought I knew them,
But I was wrong.
Every soul has a different story.
Every mind has a different thought.
Perceptions are like any diagnosis,
Rarely correct.

I now no longer have an idea of them,
I have an Identity.

Writer's Block.

Writer's Block: Most Annoying Thing in the world.
All I want to do is write, but I have nothing to write about. So, I'm just gonna talk about my life recently. It's been...pretty lame. Kind of depressing, kind of fun, well not really. I just don't have much to say. This is very lame excuse for a post, so I'm gonna post later today. && It's going to be good.