Regrets.

You know that one point in the night where you get all nostalgic and sappy? Making sudden realizations and teary conclusions. I'm in that state right now. In case you don't know, I currently live in Hawaii. (Military Kid). And we're moving to a new place in the states in less than a month. Now, to be honest, I'm not really a fan of the Island itself. It's hot and humid, everyone is tan, the food is...eh. I guess you could say it's just not my cup of tea. I like winter and snow, wearing scarves and drinking coffee, and I'm as pale as a ghost. Did I mention I'm also a Ginger? There aren't many of those here. If I was just looking at the environment, I would be so excited to leave and go to a new place. But it's not that simple.
I met an incredible group of people here, my church family. They are my brothers and sisters, my closest friends, and my mentors. These guys mean so much to me and the thought of leaving them is tearing me apart. I mean, this shouldn't be hard for me, I'm used to moving. I've left people behind with just a teardrop countless times, but they're different.
So you can see how hard this is for me. I'm starting to look back on my time with them and regret. I regret not getting close to certain people. I regret not spending more time with them. I regret not fully opening up. I even regret not serving as much as I could. But what I regret the most, is not showing them how truly loving and grateful I am towards them. They kept me solid and strong, when the world tried to blow me away. They showed me the heart of a ministry and what it truly looks like to serve God. I'm never gonna find a quirky, loud, always late, talented, loving, hilarious, and joyful ministry like them. And that, above all, is what really scares me.

Paris. London. Dublin. Home.

I want to go to these places so desperately. I yearn to see the lights and cobblestone streets of Paris. The electric life that runs through it’s people. I want to sit in a Cafe every morning and just write; about all of the beauty surrounding me. I would love so much to feel the frost of London in winter. Feel the cold tingling the tip of my nose. Drink warm tea in a tiny shop. Discover the beautiful literature and history that lies within the city. I want to be comforted in Dublin. Go to a place where I feel so welcomed and secure. Watch a football game in a pub. Take a walk on a muddy road with cloudy skies, hearing the steps of my rain boots hitting the soft ground.

All of these places, I have yet to visit, are calling me. But where I truly desire to go is home. Not Mississippi. Not where I was born. But my true home, where I feel most like myself. Seattle. Gosh, I miss that town so much. There is nothing like waking up to a cloudy morning, walking downhill to the coffee shop and doing the homework you were supposed to do last night while drinking nice hot coffee. I guess I just love Seattle so much because there is a simple beauty about it. A beauty that wasn’t built with fancy lights and buildings, but a beauty that was built by the people. Their uniqueness and open-minded personalities make it a place that many, including me, wouldn’t think twice to call home. I love that crowded, rainy, cold town. And it loves me back.