Red Balloon

Some say that writing is a muscle; it needs to be exercised. However, to me, writing is more of a reflex; it demands to be exercised. (Please excuse the somewhat contorted TFiOS reference.) I do not write for the fear of losing my ability, I write for the fear of losing myself. I write for the fear of losing my thoughts. It genuinely terrifies me when I think about all of the beautiful images I’ve seen and all of the wonderful thoughts I’ve had, and how I can’t remember the majority of them. Those moments, lost into an infinite space somewhere in my mind. Kind of like when you were a kid and you accidentally let your little red balloon slip out of your hand. That swift feeling of panic and loss, as you watched it float up into nothingness.

Life is my metaphorical red balloon. I don’t want to watch it float away, getting smaller and smaller, until I can’t even remember what it looked like. So, I write. And when I get nostalgic and sad, I look back on the things I’ve written and discover those lost memories. They make me happy and thankful, and soon I start to see that little red balloon come back to me.

Creative Writing.

As you know, my goal is to be a writer. Preferably a novelist, but I'm not limiting myself to only that area. So recently, I enrolled myself into a Creative Writing class at school. I figured it would be fun and something to put on College Applications. And, maybe, in the process, I would learn a thing or two about writing.
Our assignment for this week was Fan Fiction. Oddly enough, I've never really written a FanFic, so this was new and interesting to me. I took the route I know best and decided to do a Doctor Who Fan Fiction. (Who would've guessed.) I carried on with the ending of Season Five Episode Ten, "Vincent and The Doctor," by telling what happened after The Doctor and Amy departed in their little blue box. So, here you are:

Vincent After The Doctor

Vincent's eyes fluttered quickly as the wind of The Doctor's departing TARDIS struck him. 
"That man," Vincent said, "that mad man with a box." 
It was just before, that the "oh so mysterious" Doctor and his feisty companion, Amy, had shown him what he never imagined prior; His work, in the worlds largest art museum, with a special section set aside for the great, Vincent Van Gogh. See, before, Vincent never thought he was great, let alone adequate. He saw himself as nothing but a mentally insane drunk, as did everyone else.
"But this changes everything," he thought, "I am a new man, a new artist. People will, one day, finally see the immense honesty and beauty in my work."
He walked with a skip in his step, all the way back to the village. On his way there, he observed the things around him, like always. He saw how the sun seeped through the infinite entanglement  of tree branches above him, casting a mosaic of light on the ground. He heard a low whistle and watched as the wind danced with the summer dust, causing a cloud of shimmer and life. Vincent could feel the colors speaking to him. The pastel flowers whispered in a friendly hum. The bright, green summer leaves shouted at him with excitement and glee. 
Vincent knew these colors better than he knew himself. His eyes could see what no one else's could. He saw how the wind blew through the bright, starry night, twirling the light of the constellations across the dark navy sky. Vincent was special and now he knew that, in the future, others would think so too.
As he neared the end of his walk, his small villa came into view. It was quaint, but sufficient. He went inside and grabbed a satchel full of his best paintings and took off to the cobblestoned streets of town, with an heir of confidence and pride in each step. He ducked into the tiny cafe he had been kicked out of just the day before, "Or was it this morning?" he thought. He couldn't remember, for, the short period of time he had spent in The Doctor's presence, had felt like a lifetime.
"Paintings for sale!" he shouted, louder and happier than ever before. A middle-aged woman walked by. "Excuse me ma'am, would you be interested in buying one of my paintings? I have a feeling they will be worth much money one day." She looked at him with a witch-like snarl and said, "You are asking me, to spend my well earned money on this...garbage?" She stepped closer to him, looking up at his face. "What makes you think I would ever further this cause of utter failure with my fortune?" Vincent shrunk back as each word hit him with a deafening blow. "But I-" She cut him off. "But you what? You think that one day these will be worth something? Well, if you actually believe that, it seems your own personal stupidity is even greater than the one translated into these pieces of trash you call art!"
Her words hung there, in a painful silence. Vincent's heart sunk into his stomach and his shoulders slouched forward. He turned around, and with as little shame as possible, tried to escape from the lady.
"Hey everyone!" She shouted. "The lunatic is running away!" Bursts of laughter erupted in the town and Vincent could hear more shouts of torment from behind.
"You're nothing!"
"You're worthless!"
"You will never, ever, amount to anything!"
At this, Vincent broke. He stammered into his little home and fell to the floor. He sobbed as he pulled his knees into his chest, gripping them tightly. "They hate me." He said aloud. "They will always hate me. I am a mad and crazy fool. I have nothing to offer this town. Nothing!" He paused for a moment. "I am nothing." He heard himself hear the words, and, sadly, he believed them. He cried silently for some time, before whispering up into to sky, "Doctor, I need you." He looked up at the open roof of his villa and tried to imagine the little blue box flying back to him, but it never did.
As you know, months later, Vincent Van Gogh took his own life. Even with the promise of admiration and praise in the future, he could not handle the disrespect and torment of the present. Depression is a vacuum; It can strip away the sanity and happiness of even the most brilliant minds. And even though Vincent's life ended abruptly, his legend still lives on.

Sunshine

Why can I not stay in place!

Why must the Earth continue to spin,

Without my feet planted to it's floor?

Why should the scenery around me constantly change?

The people always new,

Never a face before seen,

Yet they all look the same.

I miss my Sunshine;

The warmth they gave me, 

When the wold was so cold.

The love that their rays shone down on me,

Everyday.

I miss watching them set;

Seeing them mold from a vibrant power of energy,

Into a calm force.

One whom I speak deeply to.

Here, 

There is no Sunshine,

Only Darkness.

There is no warmth to shelter me from it's icy bite.

My Sunshine,

They are not here.

Therefore,

Why should I?

Reason.

I've always been the one to self-diagnose, purely in the figuratively sense. Don't worry guys, I leave all that other stuff to the doctor's. But what I mean is, I know when I'm in a situation and how to get out of or through it. For example, when I'm facing a difficult decision, after a minute or two of thought I immediately know the right choice. However, even though I have this trait, I don't always use it. I often, like many others, choose with my flesh and not my mind. And as I pondered on this topic a little more extensively, I realized that this trait is in us all, we just refuse to listen to it. Common sense tells us how to dodge consequences and pain. God tells us how to seek refuge in him from things in this world that hurt us, yet we seek it in other places. It's a concept that just stares us in the face, and we just choose to ignore it. I feel so incredibly human when I realize that I've been turning my head to the one thing that could bless me the most; the gift of reason.

Regrets.

You know that one point in the night where you get all nostalgic and sappy? Making sudden realizations and teary conclusions. I'm in that state right now. In case you don't know, I currently live in Hawaii. (Military Kid). And we're moving to a new place in the states in less than a month. Now, to be honest, I'm not really a fan of the Island itself. It's hot and humid, everyone is tan, the food is...eh. I guess you could say it's just not my cup of tea. I like winter and snow, wearing scarves and drinking coffee, and I'm as pale as a ghost. Did I mention I'm also a Ginger? There aren't many of those here. If I was just looking at the environment, I would be so excited to leave and go to a new place. But it's not that simple.
I met an incredible group of people here, my church family. They are my brothers and sisters, my closest friends, and my mentors. These guys mean so much to me and the thought of leaving them is tearing me apart. I mean, this shouldn't be hard for me, I'm used to moving. I've left people behind with just a teardrop countless times, but they're different.
So you can see how hard this is for me. I'm starting to look back on my time with them and regret. I regret not getting close to certain people. I regret not spending more time with them. I regret not fully opening up. I even regret not serving as much as I could. But what I regret the most, is not showing them how truly loving and grateful I am towards them. They kept me solid and strong, when the world tried to blow me away. They showed me the heart of a ministry and what it truly looks like to serve God. I'm never gonna find a quirky, loud, always late, talented, loving, hilarious, and joyful ministry like them. And that, above all, is what really scares me.

Character Review: Maximum Ride. (SPOILERS)

Maximum Ride is a series of books written by James Patterson. There are seven books so far, with the last arriving in February of 2012.

Book 1: The Angel Experiment

Book 2: School’s Out-Forever

Book 3: Saving The World And Other Extreme Sports

Book 4: The Final Warning

Book 5: Max

Book 6: Fang

*Book 7: Angel*

*This review is based mainly on Book 7: Angel.

Characters:

Max- To be honest, I’m getting kind of sick of her lately. She isn’t the Max she used to be. The one who would do anything for her flock, letting no emotions stop her. But now, after the whole Fang leaving thing, she is seriously unstable. It seems like the kids are acting more like an adult than she is. She has lost sight, in my opinion, of what her true reason is; her reason for everything, especially saving the world. Now on the contrary, I think this Max “changing” is intentional. Sometimes we need to fall to get back up again.

Fang- I am so proud of Fang. He has really made a man out of himself, by going against Max. To see (or read, I suppose) how much he incredibly loves Max and to still be able to think clearly and leave the flock, is amazing to me. He is finding out what HIS calling is and not just doing whatever Max is at the time and I really think that he is finally realizing what he can do with his blog and his new flock. I think that he has matured to a point that Him and Max shouldn’t be together. He has his own opinion and obviously so does Max, so all it is is constant bickering. But in the end I can still feel the love in his eyes, the way his heart beats when he’s around her. He loves her, and he’s struggling with that.

Dylan- Initial reaction: I HATE him. HATE. HATE. HATE. Just let Max and Fang be together and go fly away. You’re annoying. Fo realz. But man did that boy grow on me. He is exactly who Max needs right now; someone who will understand her decisions and back her up 100%. It’s not easy saving the world, and he is the perfect guy to have by her side. One thing about Dylan is that his door is never closed. He’s there whenever you need him and he wears his heart on a sleeve, unlike Fang, who is very guarded. Not to say that’s a bad thing at, it’s what makes Fang an interesting Character, but the flock really needs complete openness right now, which Dylan is happy to supply. Overall, he’s just a good guy. I am slightly worried that since he was programmed to love Max, that it could cause trouble in the future about whether his love is really genuine or just a formula.

Nudge- I MISS NUDGE. In the beginning of the books, Nudge was talked about often as a very stylish, sassy, and kick butt young girl. She was an energy source of the book and made dialogue just a little bit more fun. She brought a carefree young vibe to the story and was one of my favorite characters, always worrying about her hair after a fight. But recently, I’ve forgotten she’s even in the book. I would really love more on Nudge, because she is such a great character that I want see evolve.

Gasman- Ha, I love him so much. He still has that sarcastic and snappy attitude about him, which makes me crack up. He’s a sweet kid and brings humor to the plate, as well as some serious bomb-defusing/bomb-making skills. You go Gazzy.

Iggy- OMG. Iggy MADE this book. He was absolutely perfect. I’ve always wanted to see more…emotion, I guess out of Iggy. Well, this book he brought it. The whole, “I am the One Light! Be like me!” thing was priceless. At this point, Iggy is my favorite character. He’s funny, courageous, serious, energetic, and mellow at the same time. I really hope they chose a stinking fantastic actor to play Iggy in the movie, because he deserves it.

Maya- I like her, she is Max’s clone, which must be so difficult. I love how she changed her name and embodies a completely new personality. She just happens to have the exact same body as Max and many other similarities. She has proven to be an excellent fighter and addition to Fang’s Gang. (Not an actual gang, lol.) I’m excited to see how she plays out in the last book.

Angel- Oh lordie, I really don’t know what to say. I’m still on the fence about Angel and her true intentions after what happened previously. I see that she has come full circle and is obeying Max and really dedicated to the flock, but I don’t know….It’s hard for me to completely trust her when I’ve seen how deceiving she can actually be. Also, I have no clue where she went after the explosion. I’m still working on theories.

Couples/Pairs/Groups:

Max/Dylan- I am, believe it or not, a Max/Dylan fan. I really hated Dylan in the beginning and didn’t want their relationship to grow, but now that it has, I think they’re a great match. I don’t know, Dylan is kind of like a rock, and a very sturdy one at that. I think their relationship has great potential, if Max would only learn to accept it, without letting it get in the way of the flock and her better judgment.

Max/Fang- At one time, I saw a couple of romance. Now I see a couple of leadership. I really think their relationship is ultimately catastrophic and I want to see Fang find someone else. They are partners in battle, not in a relationship. And that isn’t really a bad thing.

Max/Iggy- I’ve dreamt about this for a while, and now I see it probably wouldn’t be such a good idea after all. But hey, I can dream can’t I?

Iggy/Ella- One word: AWW. They are freaking adorable, enough said.

Fang/Maya- ehh, I’m not really sure where I stand on this one. In theory, it sounds splendid; Fang can be with Max, but just a better “version”. However, their relationship hasn’t shown any signs of taking a romantic turn, although some would disagree with that. I don’t know, I really want the best for Fang. I would be okay with a Fang & Maya thing, but not thrilled.

Total/Akila- Even flying dogs can find love, and this pairing is proof. I wish Akila talked as well, and then we could hear their post-marriage bickering. Ha, that would be nice. Also, I find it sweet that Total is the man and probably weighs about 10 pounds and Akila is a HUGE husky. Unique couple.

Angel/Gasman- I really want to see more brother and sister interaction between these two. I liked seeing Gazzy’s reaction when he thought he lost Angel, it reminded me that they are siblings and love each other no matter what. Hopefully they can act like siblings a little more often.

Dylan/Fang- ooh, tension much? It was kind of awesome seeing them butt heads. And how Dylan stood up for Max and Fang for Maya was a cool change. To be honest, I liked seeing them argue, it was entertaining, but I’m glad that in the end they realized that fighting will only help if they’re fighting together.

Max/Maya- Well, it can’t be easy seeing your ex with a clone of yourself, just saying. Max blew up a little too much with Maya, though. She joined forces with Fang to help the same cause Max is fighting for and if Max would’ve put her emotions aside, she would have seen that. However, Maya did squirt cheese in her ex-boyfriend’s mouth, which would tick of any girl, I guess.

Fang’s Gang- I really like them. They are new, so still have much to learn, but for their first mission being an International death threat, they did a pretty good job. I see that Fang really wants to teach them and grow them into real warriors, so I’m excited to see how he whips them into shape. Also, “I’m a Starfish!” (Now something I say daily.)

The Flock- What happened to a tight knit family? Where did that go? Everyone is off doing their own thing and dialogue, let alone time, is getting shorter and shorter between them. I want to see that “everyone stay together” attitude again, where they needed nothing but each other. I guess I just miss the old times, the original flock. Stupid Nostalgia.

I know I may have said some negative things in this review, but really, I still love Maximum Ride more than any other series. And I’m a pretty hardcore Harry Potter fan, which tells you something. The little things I want to be fixed and even the major things are minute in comparison to the things I love about the books; the wonder, the pain, the struggle between decisions that not only affect your life, but the ones around you. The symbol of family, and that family is not made by blood, but love. These things are the whole picture and my little nitpicks are just a fragment of that much larger picture. I HIGHLY recommend you read this series; it will not let you down.

Travel.

One of my greatest joys is traveling. I love all the aspects of travel. Even the busy bustling of a crowded airport excite me. Seeing people, imagining what their story is, which isn't technically stalking, I think. I love the feeling of lifting off the ground in an airplane, sailing into the sky; feeling like you've just been transported into another world. Going through the first layer of clouds and then seeing them underneath you. Mountains of puffy marshmallow surrounded by lit caverns of in between air. The roar of an engine, so loud that you have to turn your iPod ALL the way up. I love this, I crave this.
This summer will be full of travel for me. I just got into Denver for a ceremony thing. And now I'm staying till saturday, only to fly out a few days later to Mississippi for three weeks. After that it will be Kauai, which I'm pretty excited about. And at the end of my frequent-flyer miles craze is Orlando, to look at houses since we'll be moving soon.
I guess to me, traveling isn't only about the destination, but the trip to it. And this is also a great way to look at life. Although this might sound cliche, life is the road we travel, not the place we're going to. And if all you do is focus on deadlines and duties, you won't have the opportunity, let alone the time, to really enjoy life. So take time to build relationships and make memories. Because when you leave this earth, you won't remember that big business deal or the giant promotion, but the people and personal things.
Now, this is not me saying to completely blow off all responsibilities and work. DON'T do that! But in the midst of your crazy schedule, spend some time alone and read a book. Reflect on your day. Go out with friends. Make your life something you want to look back on. Take the road you want to travel.

Indie Music.

I love Indie Music. I love it because it's, unique. When I listen to a song, I listen for something different; something that catches my attention. And Indie music has always given me the satisfaction of hearing interesting lyrics and instrumentals.
Now I am not a Hipster. I just like some hipster music. But if you think about it, basically everything is hipster now. Even the pop music is starting to evolve into an Indie-Hipster vibe.
And I also love folk. But what I really love is folk with a modern twist.


Here are some really good artists that you can check out, if you'd like:
-Fleet Foxes
-Freelance Whales
-Jeff Pianki
-Alexander
-Beady Eye
-The Black Lips
-Blue Foundation
-Carla Bruni (not Indie but really great French singer.)
-DAVID BAZAN
-Death Cab for Cutie. *favorite pop/indie*
-Doves
-Eisley
-FEIST
-First Aid Kit
-Good Old War
-The Henry Clay People
-JACK PENATE (Actually a British pop-ish singer. But his music, mostly his recent album, is unbelievably unique and wonderful. Love Him.)
-Mt. Desolation
-PETER BJORN AND JOHN
-Rebecca Black. (lol. JUST KIDDING.)
-Regina Spektor. (not Indie but deserves to be on everyones music list. She's fantastic and started my passion for music.)
-Sex Bob-omb *foreals*
-Vampire Weekend
and many more.
 If you know any good Indie Music artists or songs, then feel free to leave a comment.