Sunshine

Why can I not stay in place!

Why must the Earth continue to spin,

Without my feet planted to it's floor?

Why should the scenery around me constantly change?

The people always new,

Never a face before seen,

Yet they all look the same.

I miss my Sunshine;

The warmth they gave me, 

When the wold was so cold.

The love that their rays shone down on me,

Everyday.

I miss watching them set;

Seeing them mold from a vibrant power of energy,

Into a calm force.

One whom I speak deeply to.

Here, 

There is no Sunshine,

Only Darkness.

There is no warmth to shelter me from it's icy bite.

My Sunshine,

They are not here.

Therefore,

Why should I?

Reason.

I've always been the one to self-diagnose, purely in the figuratively sense. Don't worry guys, I leave all that other stuff to the doctor's. But what I mean is, I know when I'm in a situation and how to get out of or through it. For example, when I'm facing a difficult decision, after a minute or two of thought I immediately know the right choice. However, even though I have this trait, I don't always use it. I often, like many others, choose with my flesh and not my mind. And as I pondered on this topic a little more extensively, I realized that this trait is in us all, we just refuse to listen to it. Common sense tells us how to dodge consequences and pain. God tells us how to seek refuge in him from things in this world that hurt us, yet we seek it in other places. It's a concept that just stares us in the face, and we just choose to ignore it. I feel so incredibly human when I realize that I've been turning my head to the one thing that could bless me the most; the gift of reason.

Regrets.

You know that one point in the night where you get all nostalgic and sappy? Making sudden realizations and teary conclusions. I'm in that state right now. In case you don't know, I currently live in Hawaii. (Military Kid). And we're moving to a new place in the states in less than a month. Now, to be honest, I'm not really a fan of the Island itself. It's hot and humid, everyone is tan, the food is...eh. I guess you could say it's just not my cup of tea. I like winter and snow, wearing scarves and drinking coffee, and I'm as pale as a ghost. Did I mention I'm also a Ginger? There aren't many of those here. If I was just looking at the environment, I would be so excited to leave and go to a new place. But it's not that simple.
I met an incredible group of people here, my church family. They are my brothers and sisters, my closest friends, and my mentors. These guys mean so much to me and the thought of leaving them is tearing me apart. I mean, this shouldn't be hard for me, I'm used to moving. I've left people behind with just a teardrop countless times, but they're different.
So you can see how hard this is for me. I'm starting to look back on my time with them and regret. I regret not getting close to certain people. I regret not spending more time with them. I regret not fully opening up. I even regret not serving as much as I could. But what I regret the most, is not showing them how truly loving and grateful I am towards them. They kept me solid and strong, when the world tried to blow me away. They showed me the heart of a ministry and what it truly looks like to serve God. I'm never gonna find a quirky, loud, always late, talented, loving, hilarious, and joyful ministry like them. And that, above all, is what really scares me.

Paris. London. Dublin. Home.

I want to go to these places so desperately. I yearn to see the lights and cobblestone streets of Paris. The electric life that runs through it’s people. I want to sit in a Cafe every morning and just write; about all of the beauty surrounding me. I would love so much to feel the frost of London in winter. Feel the cold tingling the tip of my nose. Drink warm tea in a tiny shop. Discover the beautiful literature and history that lies within the city. I want to be comforted in Dublin. Go to a place where I feel so welcomed and secure. Watch a football game in a pub. Take a walk on a muddy road with cloudy skies, hearing the steps of my rain boots hitting the soft ground.

All of these places, I have yet to visit, are calling me. But where I truly desire to go is home. Not Mississippi. Not where I was born. But my true home, where I feel most like myself. Seattle. Gosh, I miss that town so much. There is nothing like waking up to a cloudy morning, walking downhill to the coffee shop and doing the homework you were supposed to do last night while drinking nice hot coffee. I guess I just love Seattle so much because there is a simple beauty about it. A beauty that wasn’t built with fancy lights and buildings, but a beauty that was built by the people. Their uniqueness and open-minded personalities make it a place that many, including me, wouldn’t think twice to call home. I love that crowded, rainy, cold town. And it loves me back.

Character Review: Maximum Ride. (SPOILERS)

Maximum Ride is a series of books written by James Patterson. There are seven books so far, with the last arriving in February of 2012.

Book 1: The Angel Experiment

Book 2: School’s Out-Forever

Book 3: Saving The World And Other Extreme Sports

Book 4: The Final Warning

Book 5: Max

Book 6: Fang

*Book 7: Angel*

*This review is based mainly on Book 7: Angel.

Characters:

Max- To be honest, I’m getting kind of sick of her lately. She isn’t the Max she used to be. The one who would do anything for her flock, letting no emotions stop her. But now, after the whole Fang leaving thing, she is seriously unstable. It seems like the kids are acting more like an adult than she is. She has lost sight, in my opinion, of what her true reason is; her reason for everything, especially saving the world. Now on the contrary, I think this Max “changing” is intentional. Sometimes we need to fall to get back up again.

Fang- I am so proud of Fang. He has really made a man out of himself, by going against Max. To see (or read, I suppose) how much he incredibly loves Max and to still be able to think clearly and leave the flock, is amazing to me. He is finding out what HIS calling is and not just doing whatever Max is at the time and I really think that he is finally realizing what he can do with his blog and his new flock. I think that he has matured to a point that Him and Max shouldn’t be together. He has his own opinion and obviously so does Max, so all it is is constant bickering. But in the end I can still feel the love in his eyes, the way his heart beats when he’s around her. He loves her, and he’s struggling with that.

Dylan- Initial reaction: I HATE him. HATE. HATE. HATE. Just let Max and Fang be together and go fly away. You’re annoying. Fo realz. But man did that boy grow on me. He is exactly who Max needs right now; someone who will understand her decisions and back her up 100%. It’s not easy saving the world, and he is the perfect guy to have by her side. One thing about Dylan is that his door is never closed. He’s there whenever you need him and he wears his heart on a sleeve, unlike Fang, who is very guarded. Not to say that’s a bad thing at, it’s what makes Fang an interesting Character, but the flock really needs complete openness right now, which Dylan is happy to supply. Overall, he’s just a good guy. I am slightly worried that since he was programmed to love Max, that it could cause trouble in the future about whether his love is really genuine or just a formula.

Nudge- I MISS NUDGE. In the beginning of the books, Nudge was talked about often as a very stylish, sassy, and kick butt young girl. She was an energy source of the book and made dialogue just a little bit more fun. She brought a carefree young vibe to the story and was one of my favorite characters, always worrying about her hair after a fight. But recently, I’ve forgotten she’s even in the book. I would really love more on Nudge, because she is such a great character that I want see evolve.

Gasman- Ha, I love him so much. He still has that sarcastic and snappy attitude about him, which makes me crack up. He’s a sweet kid and brings humor to the plate, as well as some serious bomb-defusing/bomb-making skills. You go Gazzy.

Iggy- OMG. Iggy MADE this book. He was absolutely perfect. I’ve always wanted to see more…emotion, I guess out of Iggy. Well, this book he brought it. The whole, “I am the One Light! Be like me!” thing was priceless. At this point, Iggy is my favorite character. He’s funny, courageous, serious, energetic, and mellow at the same time. I really hope they chose a stinking fantastic actor to play Iggy in the movie, because he deserves it.

Maya- I like her, she is Max’s clone, which must be so difficult. I love how she changed her name and embodies a completely new personality. She just happens to have the exact same body as Max and many other similarities. She has proven to be an excellent fighter and addition to Fang’s Gang. (Not an actual gang, lol.) I’m excited to see how she plays out in the last book.

Angel- Oh lordie, I really don’t know what to say. I’m still on the fence about Angel and her true intentions after what happened previously. I see that she has come full circle and is obeying Max and really dedicated to the flock, but I don’t know….It’s hard for me to completely trust her when I’ve seen how deceiving she can actually be. Also, I have no clue where she went after the explosion. I’m still working on theories.

Couples/Pairs/Groups:

Max/Dylan- I am, believe it or not, a Max/Dylan fan. I really hated Dylan in the beginning and didn’t want their relationship to grow, but now that it has, I think they’re a great match. I don’t know, Dylan is kind of like a rock, and a very sturdy one at that. I think their relationship has great potential, if Max would only learn to accept it, without letting it get in the way of the flock and her better judgment.

Max/Fang- At one time, I saw a couple of romance. Now I see a couple of leadership. I really think their relationship is ultimately catastrophic and I want to see Fang find someone else. They are partners in battle, not in a relationship. And that isn’t really a bad thing.

Max/Iggy- I’ve dreamt about this for a while, and now I see it probably wouldn’t be such a good idea after all. But hey, I can dream can’t I?

Iggy/Ella- One word: AWW. They are freaking adorable, enough said.

Fang/Maya- ehh, I’m not really sure where I stand on this one. In theory, it sounds splendid; Fang can be with Max, but just a better “version”. However, their relationship hasn’t shown any signs of taking a romantic turn, although some would disagree with that. I don’t know, I really want the best for Fang. I would be okay with a Fang & Maya thing, but not thrilled.

Total/Akila- Even flying dogs can find love, and this pairing is proof. I wish Akila talked as well, and then we could hear their post-marriage bickering. Ha, that would be nice. Also, I find it sweet that Total is the man and probably weighs about 10 pounds and Akila is a HUGE husky. Unique couple.

Angel/Gasman- I really want to see more brother and sister interaction between these two. I liked seeing Gazzy’s reaction when he thought he lost Angel, it reminded me that they are siblings and love each other no matter what. Hopefully they can act like siblings a little more often.

Dylan/Fang- ooh, tension much? It was kind of awesome seeing them butt heads. And how Dylan stood up for Max and Fang for Maya was a cool change. To be honest, I liked seeing them argue, it was entertaining, but I’m glad that in the end they realized that fighting will only help if they’re fighting together.

Max/Maya- Well, it can’t be easy seeing your ex with a clone of yourself, just saying. Max blew up a little too much with Maya, though. She joined forces with Fang to help the same cause Max is fighting for and if Max would’ve put her emotions aside, she would have seen that. However, Maya did squirt cheese in her ex-boyfriend’s mouth, which would tick of any girl, I guess.

Fang’s Gang- I really like them. They are new, so still have much to learn, but for their first mission being an International death threat, they did a pretty good job. I see that Fang really wants to teach them and grow them into real warriors, so I’m excited to see how he whips them into shape. Also, “I’m a Starfish!” (Now something I say daily.)

The Flock- What happened to a tight knit family? Where did that go? Everyone is off doing their own thing and dialogue, let alone time, is getting shorter and shorter between them. I want to see that “everyone stay together” attitude again, where they needed nothing but each other. I guess I just miss the old times, the original flock. Stupid Nostalgia.

I know I may have said some negative things in this review, but really, I still love Maximum Ride more than any other series. And I’m a pretty hardcore Harry Potter fan, which tells you something. The little things I want to be fixed and even the major things are minute in comparison to the things I love about the books; the wonder, the pain, the struggle between decisions that not only affect your life, but the ones around you. The symbol of family, and that family is not made by blood, but love. These things are the whole picture and my little nitpicks are just a fragment of that much larger picture. I HIGHLY recommend you read this series; it will not let you down.

Travel.

One of my greatest joys is traveling. I love all the aspects of travel. Even the busy bustling of a crowded airport excite me. Seeing people, imagining what their story is, which isn't technically stalking, I think. I love the feeling of lifting off the ground in an airplane, sailing into the sky; feeling like you've just been transported into another world. Going through the first layer of clouds and then seeing them underneath you. Mountains of puffy marshmallow surrounded by lit caverns of in between air. The roar of an engine, so loud that you have to turn your iPod ALL the way up. I love this, I crave this.
This summer will be full of travel for me. I just got into Denver for a ceremony thing. And now I'm staying till saturday, only to fly out a few days later to Mississippi for three weeks. After that it will be Kauai, which I'm pretty excited about. And at the end of my frequent-flyer miles craze is Orlando, to look at houses since we'll be moving soon.
I guess to me, traveling isn't only about the destination, but the trip to it. And this is also a great way to look at life. Although this might sound cliche, life is the road we travel, not the place we're going to. And if all you do is focus on deadlines and duties, you won't have the opportunity, let alone the time, to really enjoy life. So take time to build relationships and make memories. Because when you leave this earth, you won't remember that big business deal or the giant promotion, but the people and personal things.
Now, this is not me saying to completely blow off all responsibilities and work. DON'T do that! But in the midst of your crazy schedule, spend some time alone and read a book. Reflect on your day. Go out with friends. Make your life something you want to look back on. Take the road you want to travel.

Indie Music.

I love Indie Music. I love it because it's, unique. When I listen to a song, I listen for something different; something that catches my attention. And Indie music has always given me the satisfaction of hearing interesting lyrics and instrumentals.
Now I am not a Hipster. I just like some hipster music. But if you think about it, basically everything is hipster now. Even the pop music is starting to evolve into an Indie-Hipster vibe.
And I also love folk. But what I really love is folk with a modern twist.


Here are some really good artists that you can check out, if you'd like:
-Fleet Foxes
-Freelance Whales
-Jeff Pianki
-Alexander
-Beady Eye
-The Black Lips
-Blue Foundation
-Carla Bruni (not Indie but really great French singer.)
-DAVID BAZAN
-Death Cab for Cutie. *favorite pop/indie*
-Doves
-Eisley
-FEIST
-First Aid Kit
-Good Old War
-The Henry Clay People
-JACK PENATE (Actually a British pop-ish singer. But his music, mostly his recent album, is unbelievably unique and wonderful. Love Him.)
-Mt. Desolation
-PETER BJORN AND JOHN
-Rebecca Black. (lol. JUST KIDDING.)
-Regina Spektor. (not Indie but deserves to be on everyones music list. She's fantastic and started my passion for music.)
-Sex Bob-omb *foreals*
-Vampire Weekend
and many more.
 If you know any good Indie Music artists or songs, then feel free to leave a comment. 

Summer To Do List:

numero uno: Church Camp. I just got back from the leading the Jr. High Camp and now I have High School on wednesday. Jr. High drained every ounce of energy in me. I swear I'm becoming an old lady, last night I slept 13 hours. But putting all the tiredness and soreness aside, I'm very excited.


numero dos: DENVER. Leaving next week. I get to get off this little island. YES. :D


numero tres: Going home for a month. I get to see my old church and my best friend. Mississippi here I come. I hope your ready for this overly-happy Ginger.


numero quatro: Looking for houses in Orlando. wooo. so excited. That was obvious sarcasm.


numero cinco: MONEY. I got a babysitting job and now I can actually have money when I need it.


numero ses: Blog more. Summer is always the time that I blog more often. It's because I have no school and time to actually write something down. Also, since I have no life, I have the energy to think about things and write down what I'm really feeling.


numero seven: HA. I forgot what seven was in Spanish. So i guess this one would be to learn Spanish.


numero...ocho?: Hang out with Tom. We haven't had much time to hang out lately. Stupid busy schedule. So since you're probably reading this, sorry. D:


numero nueve: I have a terrible feeling I spelled that wrong. Drink tea. Enough said.


numero dies: Read the stack of books that are steadily collecting in a corner of my room. They are screaming my name.

Questioning Questions.

There are a few ways to start a paragraph or a "post". You can state something, make a metaphor, or you can start it with a question; like I often do. I never really wondered why I always want to start my writing with a question, but boredom has forced me to think about things normal people probably wouldn't. The reason I always start my posts with a question, is because I am trying to find the answer. When I write, it teaches me. It shows me what is deep down inside of myself. It brings out feelings I didn't know I had.
When I have a dilemma, I automatically go to my notebook, and write about it. As I write the words seem to guide me, kind of like a path. The help me find not just an answer to a question, but myself. I can process through things in a way that only words can do.
So here's a change, I'll put the question at the end instead. What are the things you need to ask yourself? It's about time we found the answers.

what happened?

Please excuse me while I vent.

What happened to me? Since when did I start caring about how people perceive me? Looking back I used to be so happy, and content with who I was. I wasn’t ashamed of any of my attractive or unattractive quirks, because they were just a part of my personality. But it seems lately that other people’s opinion has dictated the way I live my life. And I’m sick of it.

I’m done. I’m going back to the person I used to be, the person I still am underneath all of these worries. I’m going back to being the girl who LOVED books, who read anytime she could, especially during lunch. I’m going back to the girl who was addicted to Youtube, because John and Hank Green made her feel a little better inside every time she heard the word “nerd”. I’m going to reclaim my love for writing, films, even fashion. I’m going back to being the biggest Whovian there ever was, who knew ever Doctor Who episode by heart. I’m going to find my old Journal and finish the story I was writing. I’m going to start hanging out with my Drama friends more, like old times. And tomorrow, when I have school, I’m not going to forget all of this. Not this time. I’m tired of being part of a crowd, so I’m making my own.